where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
