No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
