Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
