I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
The adults are the big ones right?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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