So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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