i just made my gag reflex go away.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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