So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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