id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
