he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize