I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
