I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
