that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
