So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
