well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
