The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Welp...herpes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
