i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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