it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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