why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
