it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
