you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
