i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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