So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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