On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
