what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
