Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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