Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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