Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he high fived his dick after we had sex
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
