if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
