She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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