Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
