GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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