Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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