apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
