my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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