i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
