He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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