Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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