if you like me you must not know who I am
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
