Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
