my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
