I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she told me i tasted like america
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
