just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
