I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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