why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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