thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
