I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
