His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
