Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
