U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
