im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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