Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
