Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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