If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
