Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
