i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
