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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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