I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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