just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
