I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
