dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
