even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize