the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
