Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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