I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
