cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
