He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
