Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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