I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
