When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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