girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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