I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
tell me about the fingering
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
