Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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