i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
