He is an equal opportunity slut.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
