Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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