Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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