I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
