i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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