sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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