Your mouth is God's brothel.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize