Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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