don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize