He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
