Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
