Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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