just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
