Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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