Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
