Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
