It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
