she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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