Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
