I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
