My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
