My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
