Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize