she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
