dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
