Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
