ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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