i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
