The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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