I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
