She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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