Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
