I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
