so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
