Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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