if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
