i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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