my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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