Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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