your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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