ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize