I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
